areyoumarriedriver:

Absolutely I do. I have difficulty articulating stuff like that. I mean, I’m sure you’ll all say differently but I always feel like I forget stuff when meta-ing in response to asks like this. Mostly, if you guys ever want to know my head canon, read my fics. It’s all in there - fic is how I work this stuff out in my head :)

But I’ll be specific. I think the Doctor probably didn’t want to fall in love with her. Let’s be real, he hates being told what to do, you can see it in every inch of his reactions to her in Time of Angels. He hates that she knows how to grab his attention, is irritated that she can fly his ship and speak his language, but at the same time he’s fascinated by it. He wants to know why. Why (presumably at this point for him) she was so important and special that he taught her these things. Of course, we know now that he didn’t, but he doesn’t know that at the time. Then once they get into the caves, he really sees her. He sees that she is smart, capable, doesn’t need to be kept informed - in fact she’s the one doing the informing half the time. That’s not usual for the Doctor when he first meets someone. She knows when to talk, she knows when to shut up and let him think. So all of this fascinates him yet irritated the hell out of him. The first sign we have that he’s developing a more personal interest in her is when Father Octavian claims they’re engaged. YMMV, but I find the Doctor’s reaction to be pure jealousy at that point. Not that he’s jealous she holds affection for another man, but jealous that up until this moment, her affection was his. And I call it jealousy because of his reaction to finding out it’s not true. He’s delighted. Finds out she’s a convicted criminal, but he’s thrilled about it. I think by the time Octavian warns him that she’s killed someone - it’s too late and he already trusts her against his own will. The flirting on the beach just intrigues him all the more.

TPO/TBB are just more examples of the same. She knows him. She thinks fast like he does - she was the first one to realize the universal implications of the Pandorica broadcasting. She keeps it all interesting, how she chooses to call him, she gets his attention and he loves that and you can tell by the expression on his face when he sees that graffittied cliff and when he sees her holding court over a Roman legion. He loves that she plays with history as much as he does. Think about this - why did he ask her if she was married? Why? It had nothing to do with anything, and yes he’d just attended a wedding, but that’s not really a good reason. I think at that point he suspects that she will be someone very important to him, and he when he’s asking ‘are you married’ what he means is ‘are you married to me?’. I think it’s a bit baffling for him at that point - because why would he tie himself to a human in that way? And it just intrigues him more. He loves it. Loves that she might be his wife, might be someone he loves, might somehow be his murderer too.

TIA/DotM is a huge turning point for him though I think. I think - the scene where he deliberately lashes out at her about trust, I don’t think he means he doesn’t trust her. He’s faced with all of them keeping a secret. And he’s pissed about it - and I think the whole ‘me trust you?’ scene isn’t him saying he doesn’t trust her - because he does in so many ways already - it’s him lashing out, and she seems like the candidate in that room who is most likely to endure it. And I think the amped up flirting afterward is because for the first time she let him see how much it hurt her. I mean, right after that scene his flirting like, triples in intensity. I think that was his awkward way of apologizing for it. By the end of DotM he’s seen her risk her own life, demonstrate complete and absolute faith in him, and have his back both literally and figuratively. I think the kiss just sort of cements for him that he will love her. He’s well on his way by this point - he certainly cares for her deeply. 

I think the moment he really and truly falls in love with her is at the end of AGMGTW. And I don’t think it has anything to do with the fact that she’s a Pond. I think it has everything to do with the fact that suddenly, she is not human. No human lifespan, she’s human plus. That moment - when he first realizes he is overjoyed, and then he reacts to the fact that oh my god that means she’s Amy and Rory’s afterward. The joy comes first. And my own head canon is that he is realizing that this isn’t going to be over a human lifespan. They could have had ages - and knowing as he does that she dies, that must just sort of change everything for him. 

So personally, I think he’s been in love with her since that moment. And I think LKH cements that idea. She’s not his River but you can see in all his interactions with her - he doesn’t care that she’s trying to kill him. He never once blames her. He can’t die because River needs him. He refuses to allow anyone else to harm her, even though she’s killed him. And even though the outcome of Berlin shortens the time they have together - it might not, at the same time. Because he knows for sure now - she’s more Timelord than human. She regenerates. She ages like a Timelord. I think he feels incredibly guilty at the end of LKH but he feels that guilt because he loves her.

And of course, TWoRS. He did not have to marry her. All he had to do was whisper his plan and he knew she would have complied. She would have touched him, restarted time, knowing that he would survive. He knew at that point - she loved him enough to do that. The wedding portion of it all was unnecessary. But he did it anyway. That speaks volumes to me. And I don’t really care that he was in a robot of himself, because he was controlling the robot. And First Night and Last Night - I mean. He just loves her. To me it’s painfully obvious. 

But everyone sees things differently, that’s all just my own interpretation. And I love my interpretation.